``You are
mistaken, Mr. Darcy, if you suppose that the mode of your declaration affected
me in any other way, than as it spared me the concern which I might have felt
in refusing you, had you behaved in a more gentleman-like manner.'' Miss Elizabeth Bennett, “Pride and Prejudice”
by Jane Austen.
You tell
him, Lizzy!
I’m trying
to raise my son to be a gentleman. How do
we define gentleman-like behavior these days?
Wikipedia says gentleman is a man
who is chivalrous, courteous, or honorable.
That sounds
good. Of course, we would hope everyone
would behave that way. So, to narrow it
down, let’s talk about teaching boys courteous manners.
Is gentlemen-like
behavior a thing of the past with our changing culture?
Lately Dirk
and I have been watching the 1960s television show “The Saint.” I noticed Simon Templar (cue the halo!)
helping ladies with their chairs, holding doors open, jumping in front of them
when there is danger.
How does
Simon Templar compare with modern day TV heroes? Rick Castle always holds the door for Beckett,
but Beckett has the gun, and protects Castle from danger. Booth holds the door for Bones, but
occasionally you’ll see her hold the door for him. Bones usually tells Booth to let her be when
he tries to protect her from danger. You
certainly wouldn’t have seen that on “The Saint.”
Different
times, different roles; but I still appreciate it when a man defers to “ladies
first.”
A few years
ago, two boys caught the bus at Libby’s stop.
When the bus came, it never failed:
Those two boys would rush to get on the bus in front of her.
This bugged
me, so when my younger kids’ bus came, my goal was to get Jacob to hold back
and let Megan go first. He was a bit
resentful, but things got better when I told him he could exit our van first before
getting on the bus. I also suggested
that he might offer Megan a hand out of the van, but that didn’t go over so
well.
Having a
sister seems to be a big influence on whether a boy grows into a
gentleman. This is not an easy task for
the sister, let me tell you. Don’t tell
my sister-in-law, but she wasn’t the one who trained my brother to be a
gentleman. My sister and I did. And let me tell you, it took a lot of bossing,
tattle-telling, and hair pulling to accomplish it, but I think we did a good
job.
My friend
Adele, alas, has five sons and no daughters.
She worried that they would not know how to act around girls. So, occasionally, Adele would sit all five
down and make them watch “Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.” Three of the boys are married now, so they
must have picked up some good pointers.
Mr.
Darcy: “Your reproof, so well applied, I
shall never forget: ‘had you behaved in a more gentleman-like manner.’ Those
were your words. You know not … how they have tortured me.”
Lizzy: ``I was certainly very far from expecting
them to make so strong an impression.”
Ladies,
let’s raise those expectations.
I think
having four sisters helps keep Jacob in line.
Also, his best friend is a girl. When
Jacob is with Ella, he’s gentler than when he’s hanging out with the guys. He’s more courteous, even to the point of
playing with Polly Pockets for a FEW minutes before suggesting they go back to
playing on the Wii. (His Pollys are
superheroes, but still.)
We attend
church with Ella’s family. When it’s
time for the children’s classes to begin, Jacob watches for Ella to stand up
from her pew. He jumps up, hurries to
her side, puts his 9-year-old hand respectfully on her 8-year-old back, and
walks her to class.
I’m keeping
my fingers crossed.
